Don't Let Emotional Turmoil Hold You Back
From Getting Your Next Job
by Gloria Dunn
People who are out of work go through intense emotional turmoil. In an effort to distance themselves from the discomfort, they cut off from their feelings. Yet, their fear and shame only hold them back. In reality, not facing your feelings will hold you back more. Emotions that are kept in the shadows exert a hidden influence, and often undermine our resolve and confidence when we are least expecting it. To be truly strong, we need to acknowledge our feelings and learn how to work through them. On the other hand, we need to act practically and realistically in order to get back on our feet. Here are some suggestions to help.
- Try not to panic.
Panic causes a person to lose perspective. It puts us in exactly the wrong frame of mind for making decisions and taking appropriate actions. So first, we need to calm our fears so we will be ready to handle whatever comes along. One way to diffuse your panic is with hard facts. Even in dire circumstances most people manage to find a myriad of ways to keep a roof over their head, their car running, and their children in school. In short, they get by. All the while, they do what it takes to find their next job.
- Do a reality check.
What is it about the human mind that makes it jump to the worst conclusion, and makes it picture the most catastrophic scenario when faced with bad news? The logical side of our brain, which would quickly toss these panicky thoughts out the window, seems to go out of commission just when we need it. Our emotional side takes over, and the intensity gets notched up ten points. When this happens, we need to discipline ourselves and conduct a reality check so we can stay grounded. Here's how:
- Remind yourself that you are a capable person.
Make a list of past successes so you can see in black and white you are not the loser you are accusing yourself of being.
- Start looking for the diamond in the silt.
Since things are up in the air anyway, this may be the perfect time to make some desired changes.
- Begin to remind yourself of who you really are at your core.
You may feel you are invisible within this culture if you are out of work, but don’t become invisible to yourself. It is important to maintain a strong sense of your own identity.
- Get some perspective on how long it takes to find another job.
There is no point in setting yourself up for disappointment. If you’ve got it wedged into your brain that you should have a new job within five working days, and then that doesn’t materialize, you are going to be left disappointed — if it typically takes three months to find a new job then you have scared yourself for nothing.
- Remember other tough times in your life.
Think back to the very worst day. It was awful. You were miserable. Somehow you overcame it all. If you conquered your problems then, you will do it today.
- Guard against depression.
Depression is a drastic downswing in mood. It is characterized by feelings of extreme dejection and hopelessness. It injects us with an attitude of defeatism, and we cannot help but begin to view the future as bleak. Depressed people negate everything that happens to them, even if it is good. Within that frame of mind, it is almost impossible to spot and utilize a good opportunity when it comes along.
- Stay physically healthy.
You are more vulnerable to illness when absorbed by pessimistic thoughts about your future or bitterness about the past. More than ever, you need to eat, exercise, and rest properly. You also need to be careful that you don't let destructive behaviors immobilize you..
- Develop a healthy mental attitude about losing your job.
You have not committed a crime, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. You have simply joined the ranks of the unemployed like many before you. Yes, it is embarrassing. Yes, it is uncomfortable. I am not minimizing how you feel about it. What I am saying is, go through whatever emotional cleansing you need to, to flush it all out of your system, and then get on with your life.
You are encouraged to link, pass along to others, and or reprint these articles/pages electronically or on paper, as long as the following credit line is used:
Gloria Dunn is a management and organizational development consultant, and president of Wiser Ways to Work. She is the author of "From Making a Living to Having a Life", and also writes and speaks on management topics. She can be reached at 415-883-8239 or at
gloria@wiserwaystowork.com or
visit her website: www.wiserwaystowork.com.
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